Writer Vixen Explains It All

The Updating Game

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By Gail Collins

This entertaining piece by the fabulous Op-Ed columnist Gail Collins ran in The New York Times on 8/28/09.

There was a time when people in search of a full and meaningful life were advised to start off each morning by telling themselves: “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.”

Now, we get up and hear: “Updates are ready for your computer.”

It’s depressing to realize that my computer is more bent on self-improvement than I am. At home, my laptop is so ready to update that it can barely be constrained. The other day, I found three different pleas floating around on the screen.

The “Dell Support Center Automatic Upgrade” was the most tempting since it sounded as if the computer wanted to give me a really good seat on a plane.

“Effective now,” the announcement continued, “these valuable messages are part of the new Dell Support Center. Dell needs to upgrade Dell Support without impeding system performance so that messages continue to be received.”

In other words, I need an upgrade so that I will better be able to receive more upgrade requests in the future. This is extremely important to my laptop, which is only offering me the response options of: More Details, Start Upgrade or Remind Me Later.

Reality TV Idea #1: "I Complete Me"

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The following is excerpted from an essay originally published on Onely on 30 July 2009.

"Onely: Single and Happy" is a blog that offers fresh perspectives on living solo. It's produced by the dynamic writing duo known as "Lisa and Christina," both of whom hail from the East Coast. They are also the advice columnists for Quirkyalone.net, the newly redesigned online home of the quirkyalone community.

Christina and I have decided to pitch our own Reality TV show, called I Complete Me. We don’t have any illusions that anyone will actually take us up on the offer, but just for kicks, here’s what we propose:

I Complete Me
(alternate title: A Shot at Independence)

SUMMARY

Instead of forcing (supposedly inept) single people into the world of coupling, (overly dependent and unhealthily) coupled people are forced to navigate the world as singles for a full month. Both members of a pair are ranked and judged against other pairs according to how well they handle the single life.

CONTESTANTS

Pairs are nominated and chosen on the basis of how “unhealthy” their friends and family think the pair has become as a result of coupling. The best contestants are those who (separately or together) have lost track of the “selves” that friends and family used to know and love. Have they stopped paying attention to their single friends? Have they dropped their favorite hobbies? Is every weekday and weekend night spent, in some way, shape or form, with the significant other? Do couples take personal offense at invitations that do not automatically include the significant other?

The Age Thing, or "It Only Hurts When I Lie"

By Colleen Wainwright

Colleen Wainwright is an LA-based writer-speaker-illuminator who started calling herself “the communicatrix” when she hit three hyphens. An award-winning TV copywriter in a former life, Colleen now spends her time teaching other creative souls how to talk about what they do in a way that wins them attention, work and satisfaction.

The following essay was originally published on Communicatrix on 10 July 2006.

After my recent stumping for the sisterhood, this is going to sound like a reversalist smackdown, but a story in this Sunday’s LA Times (I know, I know, but I like the ritual of fresh comics in bed) set me off. Big time. And I tried to ignore it—really, I did—but here I am, a day later, still cheesed off.

It was more than a story: the Times devoted their entire Sunday magazine to the issue of aging and its attendant hoo-hah in modern society—how we try to stop it, how we try to look like we’re stopping it, how we succeed (or fail) at both. Not a lot of insight or exploration into why we chase the dragon, but hey—this is L.A., it’s the Times, and that’s probably a given, right? Because it’s better to be young, dumbass!